Deserve versus Be Unworthy

Gifford Volunteer Chaplain Kathy Rohloff shares her personal reflections in this blog post. Kathy and all of our volunteer chaplains offer a nonsectarian presence. If you need someone to listen, and hear you with compassion, you can reach them by calling the Rev. Tim Eberhardt at 802-728-2107.

By Kathy Rohloff

To deserve means to receive something because of the way we behave or because of qualities we possess. The opposite of deserve is to be unworthy.

When do we begin to deserve affection?  When are we deemed unworthy? If an infant is crying uncontrollably or a toddler is having a massive tantrum is that behavior unworthy of our care? Sounds silly, right?

A precocious child or one with a willing disposition might be preferred (perhaps they already are) over a child given to outbursts when angry or frustrated. And if that is true, many teenagers would be at risk as they battle peer pressure, changing physicality, and all the insecurities involved at that age.  No one should be judged as deserving when they are in the throes of navigating childhood.

Perhaps deciding if someone is “deserving” needs to be dropped from our vocabulary.

To be fair, whatever rule we use for others, should be used for us.  Are we able to meet the requirements of proper behavior and good qualities?

What about those times when we are at our worst – unlovable and unapproachable.

There are seasons when we may battle anxiety and insecurity, depression and hopelessness.

In these times we desperately need others to walk alongside us. We are already feeling that we are undeserving of love or care.   We need to believe that we have worth. This is when we require each other.

As we go through life, we will interact with our family members as well as with friends and acquaintances.  In those interchanges we will find that people think and act very differently than we do. We could easily conclude that we have nothing in common. Sometimes relationships are ended.   

Don’t be rash. This is the when we lay aside our prejudices and reach out. 

C.S. Lewis famously wrote, “The rule for us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering about whether you ‘love’ your neighbor, act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of life’s great secrets.  When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

Again C.S. Lewis writes, “There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.” That is what we discover when we take the time to reach out.

When we give another respect because of their humanity – it gives them worth.

Giving worth to another changes hearts- theirs and ours. And that changes everything!

We all need to open our hearts and allow our misconceptions and divisions to be challenged.

We are all on this journey of life; there is no reason for anyone to walk alone.