Gifford Volunteer Chaplain Kathy Rohloff shares her personal reflections in this blog post. Kathy and all of our volunteer chaplains offer a nonsectarian presence. If you need someone to listen, and hear you with compassion, you can reach them by calling the Rev. Tim Eberhardt at 802-728-2107.
By Kathy Rohloff
Shame is the voice that lives in our minds and speaks to us on a daily basis. It has its roots in either the things that we tell ourselves or the accusations that others hurl against us.
We hold negative evaluations of ourselves that make us feel unworthy or inadequate. Condemnation comes from us; this causes us to feel exposed and worthless, and it is very painful.
Our reasons may be that we spoke too hastily, botched a task, or interrupted a conversation. It can be as simple as arriving late or not following a perceived dress code.
Whatever the reason, we hear a voice inside that condemns and twists and repeats, “You did it again! When will you learn? This will never be right! What a loser!” Shame enters in and envelops and overwhelms us.
This is important for us to know.
WE are the voices that speak condemnation.
WE are unforgiving to ourselves.
In these moments, we have to stop our racing thoughts, breathe, and put it in perspective. This is an error or a miscommunication, or an accident. That’s all.
Our actions will not affect world peace, crash the economy, deplete the ozone, or add to the national debt.
All of our shame is caused by the negative thoughts manufactured by ourselves.
It is time to let some light in, lift up our heads, and move on.
We have so much more to offer, and it will be wasted if we are overcome with undeserved shame.
Yet on another day, we again face shame.
We are trying to guard our negative thoughts and not overthink every situation, but there are voices in our heads that are on repeat that did not begin with us.
“You are lazy. You will never amount to anything. Are you going to wear that?”
Those voices in our head have been spoken by people who had the power to hurt and wound us, and they did over and over again. How do we stop hearing them?
The only way to stop the voices is to face and admit the harm that has been caused.
Bring the shame to the light. Shame hides in the dark.
Speak of it with someone trusted when caught in its vice. There will be mourning of broken and lost relationships. Some of those may be healed; others may be terminated.
No matter the outcome, our part has to include forgiveness so that those words no longer have power over us. That will bring us the freedom to live without condemnation and judgment on repeat.
This is a recent quote I found: “Guilt says I made a mistake, Shame says I am the mistake.”
Let go of shame and live a life of meaning and purpose.
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