By Hillary Sylvester
Gifford Midwife
When I was in fifth grade we were assigned a persuasive writing piece. The assignment was to find a local service within the community that we thought people should join or support. I chose to write my paper on a group called, Laurie’s House. Today, it’s called, Voices Against Violence. Voices Against Violence is very similar to a group in our area, Safeline.
Gifford Midwife, Hillary Sylvester
I thought I was so clever with my title, “There’s No Excuse For Abuse-So Get Involved With Laurie’s House.” My paper was picked out of the class to be published in the local newspaper. Several family members and teachers approached me and asked why this organization sparked my interest. I told them about a friend who needed to move in with another family because her mother’s boyfriend was so dangerous. I also told them that this had nothing to do with anything going on at home and I just wanted to help people like my friend feel safe. Those were partial truths.
From the outside, everything in my life looked normal, so people believed me when I told them the paper was about a friend of mine. Later, when situations in my life were at their heaviest, that very paper I wrote in the fifth grade, was pulled into a courthouse. I was asked again about the meaning behind the paper, but this time, I was asked by a lawyer. It was at that moment I truly recognized why I chose to write that paper. Over the next few years, the issues I was dealing with came to light and my family and I started to heal.
What I know from my experiences, my work as a sexual assault nurse examiner and through research on Domestic Violence, is that it does not look the same for everyone, nor it does feel the same for everyone. Domestic violence is not always scary on its surface. It can feel very mundane. It can appear quickly or stay dormant and adapt over many years.
Domestic violence can take many forms. It can be emotional, physical, sexual, financial or other types of coercive behaviors that harm another person inside an interpersonal relationship. This is why Domestic Violence has an awareness month, because it can be difficult to recognize when a person needs help from someone they care very much about.
I encourage people to be patient with those who are experiencing domestic violence. The best thing people can do for those experiencing domestic violence is to be there for support until they are ready to act. There is shame and stigma that encircle this topic. I still want to help people who are experiencing domestic violence feel safe, in control and free. For these reasons, and to be able to support families, I became a midwife. Educating families on how to prevent domestic violence with resources before things spiral is a key part of my role as a midwife. Although there are many layers to domestic violence, no one has the right to make a person feel unsafe.
Gifford has been in partnership with Safeline to provide resources. We are here to listen. We are here to help.
