Gifford Volunteer Chaplain Kathy Rohloff shares her personal reflections in this blog post. Kathy and all of our volunteer chaplains offer a nonsectarian presence. If you need someone to listen, and hear you with compassion, you can reach them by calling the Rev. Tim Eberhardt at 802-728-2107.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
-The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien
By Kathy Rohloff
Time. We are all affected by it and will all face the end of our time on earth. That becomes abundantly clear when someone we know dies.
On a daily basis we read of lives being claimed by war and murder, old age and illness, and accidental death. It all becomes very personal and close to home when the death is of someone we have known and loved.
Often we are assailed with thoughts of “if only.” If only we had made that phone call or taken the opportunity to visit. We would have done something different if only we had known their stay on earth was ending.
There is a common practice today to have a “Celebration of Life,” a ceremony to honor the person who has died. But there is still the underlying truth of loss and death that has to be mourned and addressed. There is great comfort when we remember and grieve together. The load becomes lighter.
We then enter into a time of grief and loss that varies from day to day. A song, an article of clothing, a favorite meal once shared can bring us to gut-wrenching sobs or silent tears that flow.
There will be an empty space inside that no other can fill. Our mothers and fathers, children, spouses, and close friends are always missed even though the pain is lessened. We learn to live with the loss but the missing remains.
Know that there is no time limit on grief. It will lessen, but a deep longing for them will take up residence. Someday the notes left behind can be read, the belongings are sorted through and given away, and that special song will no longer break the heart but instead will say, “I am here.” The memories remain. We learn to live with grief.
Many people believe that they will see their loved ones again in another life. Others are thankful that their physical pain and suffering has ended. Some believe they live on in nature.
Whatever the belief, our part is to walk alongside those who mourn. Speak of their loved ones. Share stories and memories. If there are tears, they are mingled with thankfulness that someone else has not forgotten.
Today, while we have opportunity, let us repair and refresh and renew our relationships with those we love. What will we do with the time that has been given us?
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