In this guest post, Gifford Volunteer Chaplain Kathy Rohloff shares her personal reflections on coping with loss during Christmas and finding peace in new traditions.
Whatever you celebrate, we hope this holiday season finds you healthy and well, and supported. If you need someone to listen, and hear you with compassion, our volunteer chaplains offer a nonsectarian presence. You can reach them by calling the Rev. Tim Eberhardt at 802-728-2107.
By Kathy Rohloff
With Christmas Day rushing toward us we are inundated with carols playing, shopping increasing, and lights blinking.
Christmas is pretty hard to ignore. On this day, many of us face the reality of family relations. For some this is a time of great joy, but for others it may be a time of facing loss.
Some will face distance by being physically or emotionally separated; others will deal with dysfunction and being apart due to bad influences; and others will experience death and the fact that a loved one’s life on earth has ended.
Do not let the day pass without making memories for this year.
When my husband and I moved across country and were far from family and friends, we joined up with another family for a yearly chili and cookie swap, complete with sledding.
Christmas Day included joining two other families for a huge dinner, gift exchange, and games.
Today, with technology, we can transcend distance with group Zoom calls where we see each other face to face.
Sadly, many lives are marked by dysfunction. Some are physical and may be due to addictions. Others are emotional and may be due to unresolved hurts and a lack of forgiveness. When someone we care about is living with the consequences of their behavior, it can be very hard to accept that they cannot be a part of our life.
There are other families facing similar situations. Perhaps we can band together to support one another during this time. Often having another person understand can be a great gift and help lift our burdens.
This year will be someone’s first without a best friend, a parent, a child, a neighbor. Or it might be decades since they have been here due to an early, tragic, accidental, or pain-filled death.
Whatever the circumstances, remember them. Sort through your memories. Forgive, discard, reflect, and then share stories—funny and sad, anecdotes, favorite recipes, pictures, and corny jokes. Hang up their stocking and fill it with heartfelt notes.
We are all products of our genetic pool and every experience, memory, incident, and chance occurrence we have encountered.
Decide today what memories you are going to keep; what memories you are going to make. Fill up the empty places. Restoring the good, releasing the painful, remembering the precious, and reinventing how we celebrate this day will make this a Christmas to remember with joy and peace.
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Kathy’s Christmas cactus, which she’s had at least 10 years.
