The following is part three of Gifford’s Psychiatry and Counseling team presents three-part series focusing on Postpartum Psychosis and Postpartum Mood Disorders.
Part three is from Hillary McAllister-Bove, a member of Gifford’s social work team and works with children, youth and families.
There are a variety of resources included at the end of Hillary’s story.
Part 3: Postpartum Blog, a Personal Reflection
Written by the Gifford Psychiatry and Counseling Team
Hillary’s story:
Through my application process and upon being offered the opportunity to join the Gifford community, I knew all the while that I was pregnant. When I first met with a midwife, I described I was looking for meaningful work, and was encouraged to review Gifford’s job postings.
My worries around what it would mean to begin work and quickly seek maternity leave in a new employment situation were constantly churning, let alone accessing childcare so soon after giving birth so I might return to work. I am fortunate to have joined a space that has allowed me to navigate new motherhood and a fairly new job with much grace.
When I first learned of the story of Lindsay Clancy, I was twenty feet from my own baby, with all of the lights off, in the hopes I wouldn’t wake her. I had such an immediate and complex response moving through my mind and body. My most focused thought was, “None of us are as far from a reality such as Lindsay’s as we want to believe.” The statistics reinforce this felt sense.
Like Erica, I was very much aware of how to move through the system that is postpartum care in our society. I relied on self-deprecation, referencing my baseline anxiety with humor. Even with padding my answers on the postpartum screening tool, I sat with my midwife during my postpartum visit, and was told it was lower than they’d like to see. I was asked if I might want to try medication. I did not. I am not sure that I could say what I wanted.
So much of what I’d been asked to do felt inaccessible – a parade of friends or family to offer meals, respite, and someone to do our laundry. My husband and I live hours away from family, and our friends are scattered across the country. The things I want are systemic – family-centered and coordinated medical care, family leave, access to childcare, compassion around the grief and fear that is new motherhood, rather than the pressured expectation of joy and ease.
My baby has some digestive issues that are still uncertain to me. Even with regular weight checks and healthy gain, I knew I was walking a fine line relative to my own mental wellbeing. I blamed myself, because I was nursing. The people closest to me gently asked that I shift to formula. I knew I was struggling, and yet, I kept moving. I sought support from pediatrics and lactation consultants, each referring me back to the other. There were moments when I felt unheard during an already isolating time.
Here I am, six months in, and I am finding this so hard, not because of anything inherently broken in me, because our system is not set up to support women and families during this wild transition.
As a Social Worker with a focus on children and families, I want better. It was hard to reflect needing better for myself. Better right now looks like holding the hard and the joy, and asking for help that might put me on a waiting list that is too many months out. And yet, that is where I am. I am gentle and honest with folks around me, especially other mothers, in the hopes it might build a bridge between us when the tides of motherhood feel scary. And more often than not, I am met with someone who has felt the very same way as me.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing any sort of distress, or if you have concerns, please reach out to your primary care clinician, the 988 hotline, or Gifford’s Psychiatry and Counseling Team at 802-728-7940.
Additionally, Gifford provides support to all employees and their families through:
https://my.kgalifeservices.com/ Call today at 800-648-9557 or Email at
Some additional resources we wanted to share:
Additional Reading:
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts – Karen Kleiman
Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts – Karen Kleiman and Amy Wenzel
More books: https://www.postpartum.net/resources/store/
Online & Phone Resources:
https://www.healthvermont.gov/family/pregnancy/PMADs Perinatal Mood & Anxiety Info
https://www.healthvermont.gov/sites/default/files/documents/pdf/CYF_SDConsultService.pdf Perinatal Psychiatric Consultation Service (for provider support)
https://psichapters.com/vt/ Postpartum International- Vermont Chapter
https://www.goodbeginningscentralvt.org/ Good Beginnings was founded in 1991 by three mothers in Northfield, VT who recognized a growing need for support for new parents due to the combined effects of shorter postpartum hospital stays and a diminished role for extended family and other traditional sources of support.
https://www.helpmegrowvt.org/ Help Me Grow is dedicated to the success and wellbeing of Vermont’s families and the communities they live in. Help Me Grow helps early childhood partners work together to build strong, connected communities and healthy, resilient families.
https://mantherapy.org/ Supports specifically for folks who identify as “men”
https://www.therapyaid.org/ Free and low cost therapy for US Healthcare Professionals and First Responders
https://emotionalppe.org/ The Emotional PPE Project connects healthcare workers in need with licensed mental health professionals who can help. No cost. No insurance. Just a trained professional to talk to.
https://ppsupportmn.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/postpartum-planning-tool.pdf Postpartum Planning Tool through MN Chapter
https://rtzhope.org/ We are here with valuable resources and inclusive support for anyone whose life has been touched by loss, including miscarriage, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), stillbirth, infant or toddler death, loss through surrogacy and failed adoption.
(https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/the-lifesaving-potential-of-extending-postpartum-medicaid): “more than half of pregnancy-linked deaths happen during the first year after delivery, according to research from the Commonwealth Fund. And mental health conditions, including postpartum depression, death by suicide and fatal drug overdose, are among the leading underlying causes of maternal mortality starting roughly six weeks after childbirth. Prior to this benefit extension, millions of people lost Medicaid coverage while their bodies were still actively healing from carrying and delivering newborns.” An important read on why extending healthcare coverage saves lives.
https://birthmotherthoughts.com/ Pregnant and considering adoption for your baby? Great info here.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/postpartum-psychosis-rare-condition-spotlight-killing-three-children-m-rcna68165 Great article summarizing Lindsay’s story and additional info on the topic
